It’s been awhile, so I thought I’d post what I’ve been up to for the past few weeks.
I co-hosted a baby shower for a very good friend that’s due in early February. It was mostly fun, and shockingly I had only a few sad feelings about wondering why I can’t be pregnant too. We would have been due about a month after her, which would have been so awesome to be pregnant at the same time and have our kids be so close in age. Oh well. It was hard to see her friend that also has a miscarriage because she was totally pregnant and starting to show, but it was not quite enough to ask without being super awkward. She announced their pregnancy on her Christmas card a couple of weeks later.
We celebrated my best friend’s 30th birthday with lots of college friends and it was awesome. Unfortunately I also found out I wasn’t pregnant this round during the weekend. Luckily I was pretty distracted by catching up with my friends I hadn’t seen in a while.
But then came the few days before Christmas and I was feeling pretty down. I spent a lot of time curled up on the couch by myself, under a blanket, with the Christmas lights on. It was a bit of a pity party and I was feeling really sorry for myself since I would have been 6.5 months pregnant. My husband was pretty worried, especially after me crying in his arms more than once, but after Christmas I was able to snap out of it and I now feel back to my normal self.
Christmas hasn’t been fun for me since my parents split up about 12 years ago. So that, coupled with the sadness about not being pregnant made for a perfect storm of depression. It doesn’t help that my husband’s family drives me crazy with their terrible cheap gifts from the dollar store. I know I sound so ungrateful but I hate waste and the vast majority of our gifts end up in the trash or going to goodwill. But I do have fun socializing and eating, so that was a plus.
I actually worked Christmas eve and day (gotta love being a RN) and it was super fun. I work in pediatrics so we all wore our PJ’s and had a pajama party. It was so cute and the kids (and parents) loved it. Then I had New Years day off and we played soccer and football with a couple of friends and it was amazing. I really miss organized sports. I am seriously considering joining a soccer team again.
Now I’m gearing up to hopefully conceive a baby at the end of this week. But after 3 cycles with no success I’m starting to get a little frustrated. I realize it hasn’t been long at all but in this world where everything is at our fingertips it’s hard to be patient. And of course I’d rather have it take longer and not have another miscarriage. But still…
Happy 2015 everyone!