You existed

Dear Baby,

Today would have been your due date. You may not be here with me in the flesh, but your memory lives on in my heart. I am not an emotional mess anymore, but I still feel so much sadness that I will never get to have you in my arms. I cherish your memory and relish the thoughts about what could have been. What would your cry sound like? What would your birth weight have been? Would we have even made it to your due date and beyond, or would you have been an early bird? What color would your eyes and hair be? How much love would your daddy and I feel for you?

I just want you to know how much you were wanted and how much I love you. While you may not be recognized by the medical world, or my friend and family, you were very real to Daddy and I. Those few weeks where I carried you were some of the best weeks of my life, full of so much anticipation and dreaming. And the day I found out you had left this world way too soon was the worst day of my life. I would have given so much to have you here, safe and healthy, with us. But sometimes, no matter how much we want something, it’s not meant to be. And that’s out of my control.

What at I can control is how much I love you, and I can continue to honor your memory. I hope that whatever happened to you, that you know how much you mean to me, and that you will always be in my heart. You existed to me, and that’s what matters.

I love you,

Mommy

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