I finally met with my OB/GYN about the two miscarriages. I went in armed with a list of questions and requests and left with a lot of reassurance from her that this is still within the realm of normal. She basically said she cannot order most of the tests I was requesting because it is not within her scope (it’s for the fertility specilists). And when I pushed for a referral I learned that her hands are tied. I am a member of K()aiser, and due to the joys of HMO insurance, I need to meet the criteria for a referral. That criteria is 3 miscarriages. Then I tried playing the “year of trying” card but it needs to be a year of trying without a pregnancy, and I’ve had two (failed…but that doesn’t matter in this situation).
I did manage to get her to order an ultrasound (regular) to check out if there are any abnormalities. It showed a possibility of a very small uterine polyp, which she says should not affect my chance of getting pregnant. I decided not to pursue any further investigation at this time because I’m scared to have any procedure that could cause scarring. Since I am able to get pregnant, I don’t want to mess with procedures just yet. If it starts to take a long time to conceive, then I’ll revisit the possibility of having the procedure. I’m thinking that if by the end of this year we are not pregnant I will request it.
I also looked into the possibility of an outside second opinion. However, it’s extremely expensive so I am letting it go for now. If we have a third miscarriage, my insurance covers the entire work-up and any procedures (except IVF). It is my gut feeling that something is really wrong, but for now I have to push those feelings aside. We have exhausted all of our options that we can afford right now and I have made peace with it. Honestly, I just hope we get pregnant quickly so if we are going to have a third miscarriage we can get it over with and move on to the next steps. I feel like it’s terrible to think like that but I just hate being in limbo. Obviously I’m really hoping that the third time is the charm, but I’m trying to have realistic expectations that will not crush me if it doesn’t work out.
Personally, I feel like this second miscarriage was easier than the first. I knew what to expect and I also had more realistic thoughts about the possibility of having a miscarriage. However, I’m trying to make some changes that may increase our odds next time I’m pregnant (hopefully I can get pregnant again). I read the book It Starts With The Egg upon seeing that many of the blogs I follow have done the same. I have started taking some extra supplements, have made some dietary changes, and have switched over to the most natural products I could find. Unfortunately I don’t think it’s realistic for me to do all of her suggestions but I’ve made peace with doing the best that I can.
I’m sick and tired of being sad and having my life revolve solely around trying to have a baby. I got a gym membership and have been doing personal training. It’s made me feel so empowered to take control of something (my health). It’s been 5 weeks of consistent work-outs and I feel great. My mood has been great and I’m sleeping better than I have in the past year. I am learning to let go of the things I can’t control while taking control of what I can. I am also doing pediatric ICU training at work. We just started and I am really excited to have something new at work to focus on. My hubby and I have several fun things lined up for this year like weddings, camping for our two year anniversary, and hiking half dome (side note: I am freaking out a little bit about my minor fear of heights while doing this hike. But I’m just trying to keep it in perspective and I will not be mad at myself for stopping before I reach the top if I can’t handle it).
Now we try again. Oddly enough, my CD1 is literally one day off from my June cycle last year, the one that resulted in my first miscarriage. If my cycle length is the same then I’ll be on par with last year. That will be really weird. I’m hoping its a sign! This cycle, I’m temping and using OPK’s to see if things are the same. If so, I plan on not doing any monitoring because it’s just too much pressure. My temps were a little wacky for the first 10 days of my cycle but now they seem to be more stable. No positive (or really anything) on the OPK yet. I’m wondering if I’ll even ovulate this cycle as it’s the first one after miscarriage number two.
It is what it is…