The other night, I did something that I’ve been afraid to do. I went to a support group for people who have lost babies, from miscarriage to still birth, to infant death in the first year. Honestly, the reason I’ve been so scared to do this is that I feel like society and my friends don’t recognize miscarriages as the loss of a baby. If these losses had happened further along, maybe I wouldn’t have these feelings of bring a fraud but that’s not the reality of my situation. So I was scared to go to a group where people had lost their babies much further along than I did.
We all introduced ourselves and summarized our stories. I happened to go last, and I was feeling very nervous to speak because no one there had lost a baby any earlier than 20 weeks. I shared briefly about my three miscarriages and how I was scared to be there and how I was feeling very alone because I don’t know anyone in real life who has experienced anything like me. One of the facilitators then shared that she has had 4 miscarriages, and I instantly felt at ease because here was someone, with a markedly different experience, who knew what it was like to suffer multiple miscarriages.
I am not alone. While I know this deep down, I certainly feel alone. However, I realized that all of us could relate to the feelings of losing our child(ren). I felt that everyone understood my sorrow and pain, and was so supportive and caring. I found myself identifying with so many of the feelings that were communicated during the meeting. One of the other members even said that he now understands that whenever you lose a pregnancy, no matter how far along, that you are losing all of your hopes and dreams for that child. That was something he could never understand before he lost his baby. I am so glad I went to this support group, glad that my fear was finally squashed, and thankful that there are support groups for those of us that have suffered tragedy.