A quick ending to pregnancy #8

Hello blog world. I am not really sure if anyone reads this anymore but I felt like writing today so here goes…

I found out I was pregnant for the 8th time while on vacation in Hawaii. I knew the test would be positive…that’s the beauty and the curse of having been pregnant so many times. I was also pretty darn sure that my betas would not be very good when I got home because I had absolutely no symptoms after I got that positive test. And I was right. My first beta came in at 152 at 5 weeks. Based on that number alone and that I was incredibly sure of my dates, I was pretty sure I was in chemical pregnancy land. The second number went up…to 168. Not viable. The third number came in at 134 and proceeded to stay there for the follow up draw, prompting panic that this was an ectopic pregnancy. The following draw dropped to 119 and then 26 (which was the day after I started bleeding), so we are pretty sure it’s just an early miscarriage. I will have my blood drawn on Wednesday to confirm this, but I am pretty confident it’ll be 0 at that point.

In general, I feel a bit numb to the feelings that should surround a positive pregnancy test. I’m sure this is a protective mechanism. I did not cry at all over the lost pregnancy, and that was a first. One of the feelings I was not expecting was relief. I was relieved that it was not ectopic, of course, but I was also relieved to not have to go into an ultrasound and be told I had another missed miscarriage, or, worse, another stillbirth.

My husband was also relieved. He just hates this process so much and would love to stop trying for a second kid. I am just not there yet, so as long as he’s still agreeing to try, I am going to press on. I do feel that this is one step closer to a resolution (which is such an obvious statement) but I do feel like I am approaching my limit for this TTC business, and as much as I would like it to end in the live birth of a child, I realize that my preferred outcome is actually not that likely. We are starting to explore the foster to adopt process, but we have plenty of time to do this in the future if we decide that having two children is really what we want.

I did find out that I am homozygous MTHFR C677T, which has been shown to contribute to blood clotting issues and recurrent pregnancy loss. But it has also been shown to not contribute, so who the heck knows if it has anything to do with anything. I already take baby aspirin, which is what is recommended once you find out about the mutation. I have officially cut out all processed foods that are fortified with folic acid and I have started taking a prenatal with methylfolate, which made me feel awful so I switched to one with whole food form of folate. I am going to try another prenatal that is formulated differently with folinic acid and methylfolate and does not make people feel as crappy (so we shall see).

My vacation and the miscarriage screwed up my diet in general, so I am finishing up my delicious Kona Coffee and then I will cut out coffee again. We have one more trip planned this weekend and then I’ll go back onto my full fledged no processed foods and no sweets. Taking a break from the restrictive eating has been nice, but the success of actually getting pregnant again has re-motivated me to get back on the wagon. I also started running again last week, and it has been so nice to do exercise that is not just walking. I plan to continue doing 30 minutes 3 times a week for now.

Lastly I am looking at getting one last consult with an outside RE to see if there is anything I’m missing. My insurance-covered RE’s are just not interested in my case since I am not interested in IVF. I’m willing to spend a little bit of money to have a monitored cycle and to get a saline sonogram to make sure my lining is ok after that D&C. Maybe it’ll give me the diagnosis that actually gets me my live birth…or convinces me to stop!

15 thoughts on “A quick ending to pregnancy #8

  1. Dani

    I’m so sorry 😢 it’s not fair. I am relieved for you that it wasn’t ectopic. Even though you didn’t have a physical reaction (crying) there is no doubt that you are numb with pain still. Sending you hugs.

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  2. Rach

    I still read! I’m sorry that you had to experience another loss 😦 that’s awful. It’s so hard to get to a place where you might want to stop, I totally understand that. I think it’s a bit different for men as there is less physically involved for them. I’m not sure. Anyway, I’m glad hubby will continue to try while you are still up to it. Good luck with the RE.

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  3. lyra211

    Ugh. I’m so very sorry to hear about your miscarriage. Again. Sending huge hugs, and hoping for brighter days ahead, whatever form that may take. I so appreciate your updates and want you to know that I am thinking about you.

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  4. Meiko

    I’m really sorry for this loss.
    I’m also MTHFR C677T (but heterozygous), and for the last pregnancy that resulted in my son I had been taking methylfolate (Femibion Metafolin). I’m not sure whether it contributed to the successful pregnancy or not, but I never had any problem with this prenatal vitamin, in fact I felt great and I’m still taking it eight months after the birth as a breastfeeding supplement.
    I totally understand the ambivalence of wanting to try again vs being exhausted by the whole process… I’m not even sure that I want a second child, but in any case given my age and the time it took us for a live birth, trying again feels too daunting.

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    1. RJ Post author

      Thank you for your response. I appreciate. I’ll be looking into that brand. I wish you all the best with everything and congrats on you son.

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  5. andthewindscreamsmary

    I am still here, and reading, and sending you big hugs. It’s just not fair and I wish you didn’t have to go through this again. Whatever you decide, whether it be another consult or go right to foster/adopt or try again or not try again, I will be reading and wishing strength and light for you and your family. xxx.

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  6. wheresmywave

    I’m so sorry. I hope your new plan helps you with your decisions. Wishing you the best of luck. Trying to sort out all of these mixed feelings and grasping at shreds of incomplete information are some of the biggest challenges in this infertility game… ❤

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