Author Archives: RJ

About RJ

I am a 30 year old RN who lives is the SF bay area. I enjoy cooking, hiking, running, my friends, and most of all, my hubby.

One

Today baby A turned one. I cannot believe I have a little person in my life. She is such a joy, full of inquisitiveness, smiles, snuggles, and just so full of life. I got her a Hello Kitty balloon and she had a bite of cookies and cream ice cream (which she loved). We are having a small family party this weekend at the park and I’m making her a low sugar smash cake. I cannot wait!

I am so incredibly grateful and thankful that this little person is mine. Being her Mommy is fulfilling in ways I never would have thought possible. I love watching her go crazy over the fan being turned on, “chatting” constantly with her, and holding her hand while she nurses in the middle of the night. And countless other little things. She brings so much joy into my life. 

Mommy loves you my beautiful baby. 

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Thank you 

I don’t really follow Hollywood and I am notorious for not know who the heck xyz famous person is but I very much respect what Melissa Rauch (who I’ve never heard of although I am familiar with the Big Bang theory…go figure…so that’s her name) says in this article. 

Obviously I’ve had a miscarriage, three to be exact, and I am so grateful to be where I am today. But seriously people, I hope others can take her advice and stop asking when another female plans to procreate. You have no idea where someone may be (or has been) in the process and it’s really none of your business. She illustrates this point so eloquently. 

Thank you for this article Ms. Rauch. Wise words.

https://www.glamour.com/story/actress-melissa-rauch-announces-pregnancy-and-reflects-on-miscarriage

Update and my mood

Hello everyone! Just wanted to say hi and that I’ve been enjoying all of your updates and commenting, but have not written one of my own due to sheer laziness. 

Baby A is 9 months and weighs in at 15lb 5oz…9th percentile. She’s so petite but super strong and has been crawling and pulling up since 7 months (she learned to crawl in Hawaii…so much for a relaxing vacation)! Now she has started to cruise and she can stand on her own for 5-10 seconds. She’s babbling a ton, says dadada but no mamama yet. We are eating tons of solids, and even starting to feed her from what we are eating. Still breastfeeding. All in all she’s so much fun!

Sleep in general has been difficult. This past weekend she took 2 1.5 hour naps in one day and that was a first! She sleeps 10-11 hours at night, and generally can put herself to sleep quickly after her bedtime routine with minimal crying. But we frequently get a wake up about 40 minutes after going to bed and she can scream and fuss for up to an hour and is incredibly difficult to console. Once we go to bed, if she wakes up we just bring her into our bed (as we are sharing a room in our 1 bedroom apartment and letting her scream doesn’t work for the neighbors or for our sleep). I just feel like the room sharing makes it really hard for her to sleep long stretches bc we disrupt her. But I’m just dealing with it bc there is no other option for now. I’m open to suggestions!

The sleep issues really get to me. I have such a hard time listening to her cry and I dread bedtime and nighttime. My back is also really sore all the time and I think it’s due to cosleeping bc I have to stay in the same position for too long. This makes me moody and cranky. I’m not exactly a pleasant person to be around and I feel like a bad parent bc my baby won’t sleep like a “good” baby. I’m also pretty lonely as it’s hard to make plans when you work almost full time and you’re obsessed with your baby’s sleep (I don’t like leaving to house bc I fear her not getting good naps and thus making nighttime worse for me than it already is). I have no clue if this classifies as mild PPD/PPA bc when I read about both of them I don’t feel I fit the description but I’m just not sure. 

So I’m looking for a weekly yoga class to get myself out of the house.  I’m hoping to meet some nice people and also help out my back pain. I’m also making a effort to go on a Mom date once a month. I did one in June and there is one in the works for July. Hopefully this will help!

Lastly I’m wondering when your periods came back. Mine is no where to be found at 9 months out. I would be ok with one baby but my husband really wants another so I’m willing to try. Since my numbers were heading toward DOR when they were tested 1.5 years ago I feel that we should try again sooner rather than later but that’s kind of hard to do when you still don’t have your period. Im guessing the night nursing is the problem but see above about sleep to guess how I feel about stoping that…….

Hoping everyone is doing well in their lives. I love reading your updates so keep ’em coming!

Almost 6 months!

Hello long lost blogging friends! This is just an update to say hi and give an update on baby A. 

She will be 6 months old on Monday! Seriously, where did the time go? I think she’s just over 14lbs based on my inaccurate weighing myself and her and then doing math. She’s really strong, already rocking back and forth, loves jumping in her jumper, sitting up with me close by and rolls all over. She’s getting better and grabbing objects but doesn’t quite pass them between hands. And she’s vocal, but just vowel sounds (ooooo and ahhh), and an occasional goo or gaa. She’s a tough cookie, smiles a lot at mommy and daddy but getting her to laugh is so hard! And she rarely laughs at the same thing twice. She does squeal and squeak though. Her favorite things are her changing table, chewing on her Sophie the Giraffe toy, and bath time with Daddy (complete with blow-drying her at the end…her most favorite part). 

Sleeping has gotten better. We are still co-sleeping but I have stopped nursing her to sleep at bedtime (as of this past Sunday). I just lay with her in bed (around 7pm) while she falls asleep. She cries for less than 10 mins. The first two nights she woke up after about 40mins and cried for just over an hour. My husband and I took turns soothing her until she fell asleep. Then she slept for about 5 hours before needing a feed. I still nurse her in the middle of the night (especially to keep up my supply with being back at work). Last night she only cried for 5 mins and then slept 5 hours before feeding. So I guess it’s working. We are planning to transition her to her crib this weekend (in our room…we live in a 1 bedroom apartment). Honestly I’m not wild about sleep training but she really needs to go to bed earlier than 8:30-9 (more like 7) and it’s just not feasible for me to lay down with her at 7 every night (especially since on work days I get home around 6).  We will be starting with the camping out method. I’m going to give it a week. If it’s not working we will go back to me laying in bed with her around 7pm till she falls asleep since that is working right now and we will try again later. I’m just glad we easily stopped nursing to sleep. I also plan to keep co-sleeping in the middle of the night for easier night time nursing. 

Please don’t bite my head off about sleep training!! But if you have any suggestions or can tell me about your experience (both good and bad) please feel free!!

Naps are better as well. I keep her awake for about 1.5 hours before putting her down. She generally will put herself to sleep at nap time. The past couple of weeks I’m FINALLY getting some 1.5-2 hour naps out of her instead of the 30-40 min cat naps. But she still cat naps in the afternoon. She’s also a tummy sleeper (we put her down on her back in the crib and she immediately flips over to her tummy). I do not let her tummy sleep in the bed, she sleeps right next to me. And daycare doesn’t let her tummy sleep per my request. At home I can check her frequently but you can never be sure at daycare. Luckily she sleeps pretty well at daycare (better than at home). Baby A loves daycare and we found a great in-home provider thank goodness. Certainly makes it easier to go to work!

We have been giving her tastes of solids but with no real structure. I plan to actually start with avocado and go from there. Maybe this weekend? I’m going to make them myself. She’s still exclusively breastfeeding, and seems to love it (as do I), so no plans on weaning yet. I still haven’t gotten my period so I wonder when that will happen. Not that I miss it!

I also got a new job! I work in a procedure center, with a later start time and NO WEEKENDS!!!! I like it so far, but I really miss the kids at my old job. But family first and this works way better for my family. On another note, this is the same place I had my hysteroscopy and now I’m giving the IV sedation for that very procedure. Weird being on the other side. I also work with the IVF doctor I consulted with, Dr. H. He remembers me (and he’s awesome). If I worked Wednesdays I would work with my actual fertility doctor, Dr. N. Weird! 

My pumping schedule at work is a bit off but it doesn’t seem to affect my supply (yet) so I’m just going with it. I pump before work for 15-20 mins, at lunch 4-5 hours later for 25 mins, then at the end of the day 3-4 hours later for 10-15 mins before driving home. That’s why I still do the night feeds. Since I’m only working 3-4 days a week I just make sure to feed on demand on my days off. 

I think that’s it for now! Even though I post pretty rarely, I love reading everyone’s updates so keep them coming!

I was never a very good blogger…

Hello everyone!

First off, I am still following all of your journeys! Unfortunately I have still been struggling with my comments not loading. I have an email into support that will hopefully fix it. I think they are being recorded as spam! Maybe I am spam, but I certainly hope not! If you have a way to check your spam comments (I don’t even know how you would do this) and un-mark me as spam that would be awesome, otherwise you just get likes!

Secondly, I plan to still keep blogging occasionally to update on baby A and our potential escapades on TTC #2 (if that actually happens). I love following everyone’s journeys so even if I’m blogging infrequently, I will still be commenting (if my wordpress comment issue ever gets worked out).

Baby A is 3 months old now. She weighs 11lb 5oz, so 10 percentile. I think she’s just going to be a little lady for the foreseeable future. I’m hoping she continues to grow and thrive. We are still EBF. She frequently spits up so I assume she has silent reflux. It doesn’t seem to bother her so as long as her doctor is ok with her weight gain at her 4 month appointment next month, I’ll try not to worry too much about it. From 2 months to now she is gaining an average of 5.8oz per week.

She’s started rolling over from tummy to back around 11 weeks, but it’s fairly infrequent. She also seems to be trying to roll from back to tummy as she will arch to either side while she’s on her back. We get tons of smiles and lots of chatter, she’s so much fun. Her favorite activity is flying baby, where we play airplane with her up in the air. She loves the view from above! She also likes tummy time and music/dancing with Mommy and Daddy. Another favorite is bath time with Daddy, especially since he blow-drys her dry afterward. She LOVES the blow-dryer.

Sleep has gotten better now that we are co-sleeping (my pediatrician basically said that some babies are super high need and the only way to solve that problem is safe co-sleeping. He then said they co-slept with 2/3 of their kids, and he was always against it until he had kids of his own and struggled with sleep. He says that their 17 month old is still in bed with them. I don’t think I can go that long, but i’m hoping to at least get through until we can sleep train around 6 months. But my feelings on sleep training wax and wane so we will see what ends up happening). We use a snugglenest so she has her own space. Before that, she would only sleep maximum 1 hour in her crib or in a bedside co-sleeper before waking up and taking forever to go back to sleep. Now we can get a solid 4-5 hour stretch out of her (usually 11pm-3am). I try to put her down drowsy but awake for naps but she will only fall asleep on her own about 10% of the time. She only naps for about 40-60 minutes with the occasional unicorn nap for longer than 60 minutes!

I go back to work in a little over 2 weeks. We found a great in-home daycare on the way to my husbands work. She is incredible and I am so thankful we have her, as I feel comfortable leaving my baby with her. I just wish I had more than 16 weeks off with her (I am saving 2 weeks of my bonding time otherwise I could have had 18 weeks). I feel fortunate to have had this long, and all of it is paid due to me saving a ton of vacation (although let’s be real, the reason I have so much vacation is that it’s too hard to get time off of work approved because of union seniority..grr). Going back to work sounds good because I am looking forward to some adult time and using my brain in a different way, but I really just wish I had more time. I am also applying for new jobs that don’t have a weekend requirement as I would love to be off with my family on the weekends. hopefully that search doesn’t take too long!

Baby A got a cousin on my birthday in November! I’m honored to share my birthday with my niece. And we are super excited to have girl cousins (baby R was a wait until delivery to find out the sex). It’s been fun having my sister-in-law going through pregnancy and motherhood at about the same stages (she also suffered 2 losses before her successful pregnancy so we are able to support each other there as well).

In sad news, my grandfather and my husband’s grandmother passed away. My grandfather passed away in November and he had transitioned to hospice so it wasn’t a huge shock, although it has been very sad because of his passing obviously but also because my mom moved to southern California to care for my grandmother, and it’s hard having her away. My husbands grandmother passed away of a presumed heart attack on Christmas Eve, so Christmas was pretty awful this year. It was shocking that she went as she was only 76 and seemed to be in pretty good health. These things bring to mind the circle of life, in that we had our beautiful baby but life does not go on forever.

I hope you are all well.

 

Random question

Hi everyone!

I have been commenting on blog posts for the last two days but they are not registering. I see them posted after I hit reply but once I go back in the app the comment is not there. I tried to reinstall the app on my phone, and also tried the app on my iPad, in addition to going on the regular internet (gasp) and nothing worked. Any suggestions? Or can you see my comments? MPB and Nara, I’ve definitely commented on your blogs over the past couple days. Can you see them?

Help!! Thanks 

A Cause for the IUGR

I had my 6 week postpartum appointment yesterday. Baby A came with me and screamed a lot. I ended up breastfeeding her while walking into the appointment room and during my pelvic exam…surreal. Everything looks good on my end!

We discussed several things throughout the appointment. 

•I expressed to her that I do not wish to be on birth control. Firstly, I am not convinced that it didn’t contribute to our difficulties TTC. Secondly, we plan to try again (although I cannot imagine that right now…more on that in another post). Lastly, I have switched to all natural products and I am not interested in introducing hormones into my body at this point. 

•She said that since I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery we could try again as early as 6 months (I think that’s crazy).

•When my cycle returns and is regular, she can order a follow up FSH, AMH, and E2 so I don’t have to go back to my HMO fertility clinic right away. I am relieved about that (even though I had a pretty great experience with our RE). I’m wondering how those numbers will have changed a year or so after having them drawn. I also hope it will give us an idea of what to expect. 

•And now the main point of this post. The results of my placental pathology. It was small (as we already knew from looking at it after delivery). This could have been due to the UU (meaning the smaller size of my uterus) or uteroplacental insufficiency. The placenta showed signs of chronic uteroplacental insufficiency. Basically this means that the blood flow from my uterus to the placenta was insufficient for a good chunk of the pregnancy. Thus the IUGR diagnosis. I have lots of thoughts about this. 

Firstly, the baby was in the 38th percentile at the 20 week anatomy scan. That is normal. Then, right before 30 weeks at our growth scan, she was less than 3rd percentile. So things went wrong somewhere between 20-30 weeks. I stopped taking the baby aspirin at 28 weeks (which I was taking to hypothetically increase blood flow to my uterus…who knows if it helped. I feel it did help). I don’t think that would have affected growth that drastically in 2 weeks but I can’t help but wonder if I had stayed on it (or restarted it) if her growth would have been less restricted. 

Secondly, I wonder if the less than ideal blood flow had anything to do with my 3 miscarriages. I did not take aspirin until before the 4th pregnancy (which actually worked). I do have signs of poor egg quality with high FSH and boarderline AMH. All the miscarriages were missed, with no growth each time past 6-6.5 weeks. Could that have been due to poor blood flow and not egg quality? My gut says its egg quality. I guess we will never know but I wish we could. Too bad we were unable to test the embryos that miscarried.  

Thirdly, I wonder if the pregnancy being successful is because the embryo implanted in an area of the uterus that had better blood flow and the majority of my uterus has poorer blood flow. Those with a unicornuate uterus can have poor blood flow due to the abnormal formation of the uterus. Am I doomed to have tons of miscarriages? That remains to be seen.

Lastly, I wonder if I am lucky enough to get pregnant for a second time (and not miscarry) if this will happen again. And if not, how much more will my uterus grow? Can I make a bigger baby in my half uterus? It obviously stretched a ton this time but not like a normal sized uterus did. 

I made my OB cookies and wrote her a thank you note because she was so incredibly kind and supportive throughout the entire pregnancy. I know I was a high needs patient (for good reasons I think) and I wanted to let her know how thankful I am for her care. I ended the card saying “I am so thankful for my beautiful baby”, and I teared up as I wrote that. The gratitude I feel toward having her is immense and I don’t think I could put it into words.