Category Archives: TTC

The next steps

Just a quick update to say I finally got my referral to the new RE and they had a cancelation so I’ll be meeting him next week. Most of the RPL labs I did last time were ordered and to my knowledge they look normal. Except for my beta 2 glycoprotein 1 came back positive. I did not have this drawn last time and from my research this can cause blood clotting during pregnancy contributing to miscarriages. Apparently to be considered an issue the test needs to be positive twice with 3 months in between tests. So it’ll be interesting to see what he has to say about that. I also asked for my FSH, E2, LH and AMH to be run for comparison.

Honestly I am mostly interested in a thorough uterine cavity evaluation looking for polyps or anything else that could cause issues. But if anything else can help us that would be great too!

I ovulated on CD 13 this month, which is unheard of for me. My earliest ovulation date is CD 17. Now I’m wondering if this in a one-off or if it’s an indication of my declining fertility. I guess only time will tell.

I have basically cut out all refined carbohydrates, sugar and alcohol. And I’m about to wean off the caffeine too! It’s been easier than I thought it would be so I’ll be keeping it up for as long as I can. I figure it can’t hurt, right?!

Emotionally I’m doing well. It took a little time but I have been going about my life and have been feeling pretty happy, all things considered. I hope we will be able to have another baby but if that is not in the cards, I think I’ll be ok. My husband said to me recently if I wanted to stop trying he is ok with that, even though he does want another child. It really helped to hear that. So we shall see.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

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Number 6….

This is a “P” post. Please do not read if you are not in the right space. I’ve decided to adopt these disclaimers as well because I think they are really sensitive to the places others may be in. I wish I would have adopted them earlier.

As I’m sure you can tell from my above disclaimer, I am pregnant again. Pretty surprised because I’m fairly sure I ovulated from my unconnected left ovary (although that’s based on my feeling of ovulation pain on that side so who knows how accurate that is). I thought my period was going to come because of a temp drop I always get on my period day, but it never showed and went back up the next day prompting my POAS addiction to start again.

My progesterone was 48, which is the highest I’ve ever had so I’m choosing to think that’s a good sign.

I am currently taking vaginal progesterone twice daily, my regular prenatal, extra folic acid, and 81mg baby aspirin.

My HCG is rising appropriately.

13dpo: 31

15dpo: 49 (73 hr doubling time, increase of 58%…side note this freaked me out because it was right on the cusp)

20dpo: 328(40 hour doubling time)

And now I’m in the horrible wait for that dreaded early ultrasound. I’ll be 6w4d if my fertility friend charting is correct. I have never posted about a P this early but I just really need to get it off my chest.

I feel relatively un-pregnant. I had one day of all day nausea so far 3 days ago, but it’s intermittent at best these past few days. No sore boobs, less cramping that I remember with my successful P with A, not super tired, and my bloating and gassiness has tapered off. I took meticulous notes on my former Ps and these symptoms are more consistent with my missed miscarriages than my successful P. But who the heck knows, it’s not an exact science, this is a “second” (edited to add a subsequent) pregnancy, and every pregnancy is different…or so they say. I certainly felt my 3rd beta was going to be bad because I felt all my bloating and gassiness lessen and I was wrong there.

So I thank all of you for being in this space with me and letting me air my anxieties (and celebrate a little bit as well). The ultrasound is on April 30 in the late afternoon, giving me 8 more days of torture.

Wow, that was a long time ago…

I finally updated my about me section! Thank you for the prompting Trisha!

It’s really insane to think I’ve had this blog up for almost 4 years, and that I’ve endured so much throughout this time. At this time 4 years ago my husband and I were getting ready for an amazing trip to England, Ireland, and Scotland, and then we were going to try for a baby. We had no idea the road we would travel to get our miracle baby. 3 miscarriages, a DOR diagnosis, and the shocking news of a unicornuate uterus.

It’s so weird to think back on who I was and how naive I used to be. I am so sensitive to pregnancy announcements still, although it’s gotten better. I am hyper sensitive also to people in my life that show signs of maybe being pregnant (not drinking, not participating in x-ray procedures at work, no sushi, their baby is about 1 and I know they want more kids). It’s hard because my husband wants another and I am willing to try, but I just hate that I’m back in the rabbit hole and there is no end in site. I don’t want to get obsessive but that is just the way I am…no half-ass jobs. And I really don’t want to be sad every time my friends expand their families and I am unable to do it too.

It really sucks trying to conceive in crappy conditions. I likely can only get pregnant if I ovulate from the right ovary (although you read stores about people getting pregnant from an unconnected ovary…) and it bums me out so much when I feel my ovulation pain on the left. I felt it on the left these past 2 months which is even more frustrating. And then I am hopeful because I managed to have that chemical pregnancy back in December so that has to be a good sign, right? Or maybe just an indication that my eggs are even worse this time around and I can’t even make it to the missed miscarriage stage (I sound so cynical but it’s just frustration). I’m just going with ignorance is bliss for now and not asking for these fertility tests that will crush my dreams of a second child the “easy” way.

We discussed that we probably won’t do IVF because it’s too expensive and my likely worse than before numbers will likely make it unsuccessful. So if we can’t get pregnant that leaves us with adoption or donor eggs/embryos. Also expensive. We haven’t discussed these as a couple but I certainly think about them a lot and weigh the options. And I have no idea which way I would go, or even if I would say screw it, let’s be a one child family (my husband really doesn’t want an only child so I don’t know how that would go over).

So there you have it. A rambling update on what is in my brain. I hope everyone is doing well.

Another miscarriage.

Well, keeping with my TTC tradition I have had another miscarriage. We started trying again recently. I figured I’m not getting any younger and my eggs already suck so we had better get on it. I got a positive pregnancy test on 14dpo (after a negative on 12dpo). But the lines on my tests just got lighter. Today my temperature dropped on 18dpo and I started bleeding on my lunch break. So technically a chemical.

I had my first beta drawn yesterday and I also had her check my progesterone. It’ll be interesting to see the numbers. I did not supplement with progesterone this time bc I wanted to see what happened. I highly doubt it would have done anything but I asked for a prescription for next time (if there is a next time). I also started baby aspirin once I got the positive. Maybe I should start after I ovulate next time? I don’t know.

I had decided to give it until April before I go back to my RE and run my numbers but I may change my mind after this. Or maybe not.

At least we didn’t go through a traumatic ultrasound for a missed miscarriage. Those still haunt me, and especially haunt my husband. This journey sucks.

Update and my mood

Hello everyone! Just wanted to say hi and that I’ve been enjoying all of your updates and commenting, but have not written one of my own due to sheer laziness. 

Baby A is 9 months and weighs in at 15lb 5oz…9th percentile. She’s so petite but super strong and has been crawling and pulling up since 7 months (she learned to crawl in Hawaii…so much for a relaxing vacation)! Now she has started to cruise and she can stand on her own for 5-10 seconds. She’s babbling a ton, says dadada but no mamama yet. We are eating tons of solids, and even starting to feed her from what we are eating. Still breastfeeding. All in all she’s so much fun!

Sleep in general has been difficult. This past weekend she took 2 1.5 hour naps in one day and that was a first! She sleeps 10-11 hours at night, and generally can put herself to sleep quickly after her bedtime routine with minimal crying. But we frequently get a wake up about 40 minutes after going to bed and she can scream and fuss for up to an hour and is incredibly difficult to console. Once we go to bed, if she wakes up we just bring her into our bed (as we are sharing a room in our 1 bedroom apartment and letting her scream doesn’t work for the neighbors or for our sleep). I just feel like the room sharing makes it really hard for her to sleep long stretches bc we disrupt her. But I’m just dealing with it bc there is no other option for now. I’m open to suggestions!

The sleep issues really get to me. I have such a hard time listening to her cry and I dread bedtime and nighttime. My back is also really sore all the time and I think it’s due to cosleeping bc I have to stay in the same position for too long. This makes me moody and cranky. I’m not exactly a pleasant person to be around and I feel like a bad parent bc my baby won’t sleep like a “good” baby. I’m also pretty lonely as it’s hard to make plans when you work almost full time and you’re obsessed with your baby’s sleep (I don’t like leaving to house bc I fear her not getting good naps and thus making nighttime worse for me than it already is). I have no clue if this classifies as mild PPD/PPA bc when I read about both of them I don’t feel I fit the description but I’m just not sure. 

So I’m looking for a weekly yoga class to get myself out of the house.  I’m hoping to meet some nice people and also help out my back pain. I’m also making a effort to go on a Mom date once a month. I did one in June and there is one in the works for July. Hopefully this will help!

Lastly I’m wondering when your periods came back. Mine is no where to be found at 9 months out. I would be ok with one baby but my husband really wants another so I’m willing to try. Since my numbers were heading toward DOR when they were tested 1.5 years ago I feel that we should try again sooner rather than later but that’s kind of hard to do when you still don’t have your period. Im guessing the night nursing is the problem but see above about sleep to guess how I feel about stoping that…….

Hoping everyone is doing well in their lives. I love reading your updates so keep ’em coming!

A Cause for the IUGR

I had my 6 week postpartum appointment yesterday. Baby A came with me and screamed a lot. I ended up breastfeeding her while walking into the appointment room and during my pelvic exam…surreal. Everything looks good on my end!

We discussed several things throughout the appointment. 

•I expressed to her that I do not wish to be on birth control. Firstly, I am not convinced that it didn’t contribute to our difficulties TTC. Secondly, we plan to try again (although I cannot imagine that right now…more on that in another post). Lastly, I have switched to all natural products and I am not interested in introducing hormones into my body at this point. 

•She said that since I had an uncomplicated vaginal delivery we could try again as early as 6 months (I think that’s crazy).

•When my cycle returns and is regular, she can order a follow up FSH, AMH, and E2 so I don’t have to go back to my HMO fertility clinic right away. I am relieved about that (even though I had a pretty great experience with our RE). I’m wondering how those numbers will have changed a year or so after having them drawn. I also hope it will give us an idea of what to expect. 

•And now the main point of this post. The results of my placental pathology. It was small (as we already knew from looking at it after delivery). This could have been due to the UU (meaning the smaller size of my uterus) or uteroplacental insufficiency. The placenta showed signs of chronic uteroplacental insufficiency. Basically this means that the blood flow from my uterus to the placenta was insufficient for a good chunk of the pregnancy. Thus the IUGR diagnosis. I have lots of thoughts about this. 

Firstly, the baby was in the 38th percentile at the 20 week anatomy scan. That is normal. Then, right before 30 weeks at our growth scan, she was less than 3rd percentile. So things went wrong somewhere between 20-30 weeks. I stopped taking the baby aspirin at 28 weeks (which I was taking to hypothetically increase blood flow to my uterus…who knows if it helped. I feel it did help). I don’t think that would have affected growth that drastically in 2 weeks but I can’t help but wonder if I had stayed on it (or restarted it) if her growth would have been less restricted. 

Secondly, I wonder if the less than ideal blood flow had anything to do with my 3 miscarriages. I did not take aspirin until before the 4th pregnancy (which actually worked). I do have signs of poor egg quality with high FSH and boarderline AMH. All the miscarriages were missed, with no growth each time past 6-6.5 weeks. Could that have been due to poor blood flow and not egg quality? My gut says its egg quality. I guess we will never know but I wish we could. Too bad we were unable to test the embryos that miscarried.  

Thirdly, I wonder if the pregnancy being successful is because the embryo implanted in an area of the uterus that had better blood flow and the majority of my uterus has poorer blood flow. Those with a unicornuate uterus can have poor blood flow due to the abnormal formation of the uterus. Am I doomed to have tons of miscarriages? That remains to be seen.

Lastly, I wonder if I am lucky enough to get pregnant for a second time (and not miscarry) if this will happen again. And if not, how much more will my uterus grow? Can I make a bigger baby in my half uterus? It obviously stretched a ton this time but not like a normal sized uterus did. 

I made my OB cookies and wrote her a thank you note because she was so incredibly kind and supportive throughout the entire pregnancy. I know I was a high needs patient (for good reasons I think) and I wanted to let her know how thankful I am for her care. I ended the card saying “I am so thankful for my beautiful baby”, and I teared up as I wrote that. The gratitude I feel toward having her is immense and I don’t think I could put it into words. 

This time has been different 

Trigger warning-pg post 
I don’t want to hurt anyone by posting this so if you’re not in a good space please don’t read.

Feb 11:

Take a cheap dollar store test. Verify the positive with and FRER. Obviously glad to be pregnant again but very nervous given my history. 

Feb 13-23

Beta HGC doubling every 2-3 days until my last draw. Cue freak-out. 

Feb 29

6w2d. First ultrasound. I’m convinced it’s going to be bad because the HCG didn’t double. So convinced that I tell my husband to not bother coming. So I’m SHOCKED when she shows me a beating heart (which I could make out myself). The nurse practitioner tells me once the HCG levels are greater than about 5k they only expect a rise of about 60%. Wish my doctor would have mentioned that! 

March 8

7w3d. My husband comes to this appointment. We still see a perfectly beating heart at 144, and we can hear it! Graduate to the OB. Bittersweet. 

March 17

8w5d. First OB appointment. I’m again feeling nervous because my boob soreness has gone away for the past couple of days. I’m still feeling some pulling and cramping in my uterus but I’m not very frequently nauseated. Again I am so surprised there is still a heartbeat, at 176, and baby is measuring right on track I guess symptoms really do come and go. Also, this was my first time meeting her and I am so glad I switched. 

April 1

This will be an extra heartbeat check for peace of mind. Thank goodness I asked. 

******

Honestly I’m dying to feel nauseated constantly so I can have some reassurance but it looks like my dominate pregnancy symptom is cramping in my uterus. I’ve never noticed this in my other pregnancies so it’s what gives me comfort. Obviously we are no out of the woods yet, and with my unicornuate uterus I’m at increased risk for complications. However, I’m doing a pretty good job of staying calm and just taking it day by day. 

I’m taking vaginal progesterone twice a day, which I’m suppose to take until 10 weeks but she said if it makes me more comfortable I can stay on it through the first trimester. I’m also taking baby aspirin daily, a prenatal and extra folic acid. She’s going to ask the maternal fetal medicine doctor about if I can stay on the aspirin and also what extra monitoring I may need with the UU. Once I hear what the MFM has to say, then I’ll make my case for extra monitoring of my cervix. I’m also doing acupuncture twice a week throughout the first trimester. It’s been incredibly calming.

Hubby thinks it’s a girl. I do as well. I hope we get to find out. 

Due date is Oct 22, 2016.