Hello blog world. I am not really sure if anyone reads this anymore but I felt like writing today so here goes…
I found out I was pregnant for the 8th time while on vacation in Hawaii. I knew the test would be positive…that’s the beauty and the curse of having been pregnant so many times. I was also pretty darn sure that my betas would not be very good when I got home because I had absolutely no symptoms after I got that positive test. And I was right. My first beta came in at 152 at 5 weeks. Based on that number alone and that I was incredibly sure of my dates, I was pretty sure I was in chemical pregnancy land. The second number went up…to 168. Not viable. The third number came in at 134 and proceeded to stay there for the follow up draw, prompting panic that this was an ectopic pregnancy. The following draw dropped to 119 and then 26 (which was the day after I started bleeding), so we are pretty sure it’s just an early miscarriage. I will have my blood drawn on Wednesday to confirm this, but I am pretty confident it’ll be 0 at that point.
In general, I feel a bit numb to the feelings that should surround a positive pregnancy test. I’m sure this is a protective mechanism. I did not cry at all over the lost pregnancy, and that was a first. One of the feelings I was not expecting was relief. I was relieved that it was not ectopic, of course, but I was also relieved to not have to go into an ultrasound and be told I had another missed miscarriage, or, worse, another stillbirth.
My husband was also relieved. He just hates this process so much and would love to stop trying for a second kid. I am just not there yet, so as long as he’s still agreeing to try, I am going to press on. I do feel that this is one step closer to a resolution (which is such an obvious statement) but I do feel like I am approaching my limit for this TTC business, and as much as I would like it to end in the live birth of a child, I realize that my preferred outcome is actually not that likely. We are starting to explore the foster to adopt process, but we have plenty of time to do this in the future if we decide that having two children is really what we want.
I did find out that I am homozygous MTHFR C677T, which has been shown to contribute to blood clotting issues and recurrent pregnancy loss. But it has also been shown to not contribute, so who the heck knows if it has anything to do with anything. I already take baby aspirin, which is what is recommended once you find out about the mutation. I have officially cut out all processed foods that are fortified with folic acid and I have started taking a prenatal with methylfolate, which made me feel awful so I switched to one with whole food form of folate. I am going to try another prenatal that is formulated differently with folinic acid and methylfolate and does not make people feel as crappy (so we shall see).
My vacation and the miscarriage screwed up my diet in general, so I am finishing up my delicious Kona Coffee and then I will cut out coffee again. We have one more trip planned this weekend and then I’ll go back onto my full fledged no processed foods and no sweets. Taking a break from the restrictive eating has been nice, but the success of actually getting pregnant again has re-motivated me to get back on the wagon. I also started running again last week, and it has been so nice to do exercise that is not just walking. I plan to continue doing 30 minutes 3 times a week for now.
Lastly I am looking at getting one last consult with an outside RE to see if there is anything I’m missing. My insurance-covered RE’s are just not interested in my case since I am not interested in IVF. I’m willing to spend a little bit of money to have a monitored cycle and to get a saline sonogram to make sure my lining is ok after that D&C. Maybe it’ll give me the diagnosis that actually gets me my live birth…or convinces me to stop!