Tag Archives: first trimester

A quick ending to pregnancy #8

Hello blog world. I am not really sure if anyone reads this anymore but I felt like writing today so here goes…

I found out I was pregnant for the 8th time while on vacation in Hawaii. I knew the test would be positive…that’s the beauty and the curse of having been pregnant so many times. I was also pretty darn sure that my betas would not be very good when I got home because I had absolutely no symptoms after I got that positive test. And I was right. My first beta came in at 152 at 5 weeks. Based on that number alone and that I was incredibly sure of my dates, I was pretty sure I was in chemical pregnancy land. The second number went up…to 168. Not viable. The third number came in at 134 and proceeded to stay there for the follow up draw, prompting panic that this was an ectopic pregnancy. The following draw dropped to 119 and then 26 (which was the day after I started bleeding), so we are pretty sure it’s just an early miscarriage. I will have my blood drawn on Wednesday to confirm this, but I am pretty confident it’ll be 0 at that point.

In general, I feel a bit numb to the feelings that should surround a positive pregnancy test. I’m sure this is a protective mechanism. I did not cry at all over the lost pregnancy, and that was a first. One of the feelings I was not expecting was relief. I was relieved that it was not ectopic, of course, but I was also relieved to not have to go into an ultrasound and be told I had another missed miscarriage, or, worse, another stillbirth.

My husband was also relieved. He just hates this process so much and would love to stop trying for a second kid. I am just not there yet, so as long as he’s still agreeing to try, I am going to press on. I do feel that this is one step closer to a resolution (which is such an obvious statement) but I do feel like I am approaching my limit for this TTC business, and as much as I would like it to end in the live birth of a child, I realize that my preferred outcome is actually not that likely. We are starting to explore the foster to adopt process, but we have plenty of time to do this in the future if we decide that having two children is really what we want.

I did find out that I am homozygous MTHFR C677T, which has been shown to contribute to blood clotting issues and recurrent pregnancy loss. But it has also been shown to not contribute, so who the heck knows if it has anything to do with anything. I already take baby aspirin, which is what is recommended once you find out about the mutation. I have officially cut out all processed foods that are fortified with folic acid and I have started taking a prenatal with methylfolate, which made me feel awful so I switched to one with whole food form of folate. I am going to try another prenatal that is formulated differently with folinic acid and methylfolate and does not make people feel as crappy (so we shall see).

My vacation and the miscarriage screwed up my diet in general, so I am finishing up my delicious Kona Coffee and then I will cut out coffee again. We have one more trip planned this weekend and then I’ll go back onto my full fledged no processed foods and no sweets. Taking a break from the restrictive eating has been nice, but the success of actually getting pregnant again has re-motivated me to get back on the wagon. I also started running again last week, and it has been so nice to do exercise that is not just walking. I plan to continue doing 30 minutes 3 times a week for now.

Lastly I am looking at getting one last consult with an outside RE to see if there is anything I’m missing. My insurance-covered RE’s are just not interested in my case since I am not interested in IVF. I’m willing to spend a little bit of money to have a monitored cycle and to get a saline sonogram to make sure my lining is ok after that D&C. Maybe it’ll give me the diagnosis that actually gets me my live birth…or convinces me to stop!

1st trimester is almost done (depending how you look at it…)

As of yesterday, I hit 13 weeks. Since I like averages, I’m in the camp of 13.3 is the end of the first trimester. That is in a couple of days! I spent 4 weeks to 12 weeks pregnant sick with some horrible virus that went from cold to horrific cough to sinus infection so I finally took some antibiotics and it cleared right up. I wish I would have taken them earlier but I also was really hesitant to take anything. I also waited to get my flu shot until I was better and I was even hesitant to get that, but I feel pretty strongly the benefits outweigh the risk. Plus for my job I have to have the shot or wear a mask from November to the beginning of April. No thanks!

Now I’m feeling actual pregnancy sickness. Pretty ironic I missed out on that because I was so incredibly ill! I’ve been super tired as well and incredibly bloated. But that’s it for symptoms so I guess I missed the worst of it. I did throw up once around 11 weeks and that was a pregnancy first (and hopefully last) for me.

We did the harmo.ny prenatal test because I am now almost advanced maternal age (but I feel so young). It took 6 business days and we found out everything is low risk and we are having a BOY! Both of us were shocked as I think we were preparing for a girl after the last loss being a boy. My husband always wanted one of each so I really hope this continues to go well and this is it for us!

I’ve been using my fetal Doppler to check the heartbeat once a week. I tried after my 10 week appointment and couldn’t find it, but I was successful at 11 weeks and it was still going strong as of yesterday. It’s so helpful for me otherwise I’d be in for frequent OB checks and I feel so silly for doing that even though they don’t seem to mind.

My next appointment is at 16 weeks and that is for my biweekly cervix checks until 24 weeks. Here we go again!

Moving right along…

This is a pregnant post, please feel free to skip if need be…

Today I am 9 weeks! It is really a bit shocking to be here and I really hope things keep going well.

I had my last OB appointment this past Friday with my regular OB. She is so amazing and totally squeezed me in so I could see her even when she had no openings. My husband managed to make it after work as well and I was so glad to have his support, especially after the last experience seeing the heartbeat and then having it be gone. My pregnancy symptoms had tapered off again so I was a bit nervous. I was measuring 8w4d, which was a full 3-4 days ahead based off of the last scan. Heartbeat was 180! The baby is so much bigger in a matter of a week. I forgot how much they grow and in such a short timeframe.

I will go back for my prenatal intake appointment next week on Tuesday at 10 weeks. Then if everything looks good I’ll have to see how I’m feeling and if I can wait longer in between ultrasounds (I have a Doppler from last time so I may try it out after my appointment and just use that but who knows if I’ll be able to find the heartbeat…I waited until 15 or 16 weeks to use it last time).

We are going to do the blood test for common chromosomal anomalies this time because I’ll be 35 at the time of delivery (next month…eeekkkk…where has the time gone). I also would like a version of the NT scan but I have no idea if I’ll be able to convince them to do both…it’s apparently one or the other. Hopefully I can work my magic and get what I want!

As for symptoms, they are quite mild, so that continues to make me nervous. My mantra is “I have no reason to believe anything is wrong”. I’ve been saying it a lot. I hope it still rings true for the rest of this pregnancy!

Heartbeat!

Just a heads up that I am talking about my current pregnancy here.

I have been so nervous leading up to this appointment because my pregnancy symptoms have been pretty light to non-existent. I did have one day last week where my boobs were killing me and I was cramping and nauseated, but that all faded away which made me think the worst.

Shockingly, I was so calm this morning. I just wanted to know. My husband was really surprised I was so calm, especially since we were expecting bad news and I was such an anxious wreck this week leading up to the appointment. We were late (which I absolutely hate but OMG traffic and accidents) so I was more stressed about that than the ultrasound itself.

All of my instincts were so incredibly wrong and today we saw a heartbeat of 150 with one baby measuring 7w to 7w 1d. By my charting, I should be 7w 2d so I feel pretty good about those dates. Due date is May 21.

Overall I’m feeling better about this pregnancy because we are the same gestational age today as I was when I miscarried last time after seeing the heartbeat. I’m also quite relieved that the baby is measuring on track according to my charting. I know we are not out of the woods yet (although with my uterine anomaly we are never really out of the woods) but today I feel hope and happiness.

I will have my intake phone appointment with the prenatal clerk next Thursday and then I meet with one of the OB’s at my doctors office on Friday afternoon. I would prefer to meet with my OB but she can’t see me until the 17th and I just can’t wait that long. I know if things keep progressing I will be seeing her soon because I really need the reassurance that things are still going well.

My husband and I both hope this is it!

In other news, A turned 2 yesterday! I took her to a farm about 30 mins from our house and she rode a pony, fed/pet goats, road a train, went in her first bounce house, and went on a hay ride. She LOVED it! Then we had some family over for dinner and she got her first chocolate cupcake, which she proceeded to devour only the frosting and get it everywhere. Our family friend got her some light up shoes that she is obsessed with. She was stomping around everywhere saying “lights on”! It was hysterical.

I am very thankful to have such an amazing and fun daughter. She makes my husband and I so happy.

>5000

I had my blood drawn yesterday, almost exactly 1 week later to the minute! That was certainly not intentional but kind of cool, right? Afterward, I spent the morning doing everything I could to distract myself from checking my email obsessively every 5 minutes (which was no easy task). Luckily, the nurse was very quick this morning and I only waited 2.5 hours to find out my beta had risen to 5,558! So I’m still in the game. These betas are better than my last pregnancy, and similar to my only successful pregnancy, so I’m choosing to take that as a good sign.

My ultrasound is scheduled for Oct. 4th, the day after A’s birthday. Based on my BBT, I think I will be 7w2d. I could have had it on the 2nd but I decided I’d rather spend A’s birthday with her not knowing the outcome so I could focus on her and not another miscarriage (although I’m hoping everything looks good, but I’d rather be in the dark/nervous than upset/sad). I took the day off of work for her birthday so we could do something fun! Also, 7w2d is one day farther along than the size of my last missed miscarriage and I’m hoping if things look good it will help me relax a little (famous last words, I don’t know how to relax during early pregnancy because of my history, especially after my last miscarriage after seeing a heartbeat).

Our whole family came down with a horrific cold and so I’ve been feeling incredibly awful for the past week. I even had to call in sick be because I lost my voice! It was insane. Of course I am worried this illness will affect the pregnancy, even though I know logically it will not. I also think it’s masked any pregnancy symptoms that I may be having as I feel a little off this morning (in a pregnancy way) but I also still just feel like absolute crap (in an illness way)! Here’s to hoping we all get better soon.

In other exciting news, my husband and I signed papers to buy our first house yesterday! We are buying his Grandparents place from his siblings and Mom, and we’ve been living here since Nov. 2017. We moved in with his ailing grandfather, and he unfortunately passed away in Feb 2018, much more quickly than we all anticipated. His family is glad the house will stay on the family and we are glad to finally be homeowners.

So now we begin another two week wait for the ultrasound, ugh. It’s so weird to be here again. My husband commented that we are just approaching the danger zone so while he’s so glad the blood draws look good, we are in no way out of the woods. Hopefully the universe will prove us wrong and there is nothing to be worried about.

Thank you everyone for your support. I really appreciate it. Hope everyone is well.

Lucky number 7?

I will be talking about another P here so please do not read if you’re not in the right space.

One week ago, I noticed some serious abdominal pain, gas and bloating and I just knew I was pregnant. So last Friday I took a cheap internet test and got a squinter. I was pretty sure I saw the line so I shelled out for a better test and I was for sure pregnant. This was at 10dpo.

I had started taking vaginal progesterone twice a day from 3dpo, and I have been taking baby aspirin for months. With my only successful pregnancy I took the vaginal progesterone from 3dpo so I am officially doing everything the same this time around.

I actually waited until 14dpo ask my RE for blood work. I wanted to see some higher numbers this time. My progesterone came back at 49.1, beating out my last progesterone by 1, so I’m still going with the assumption that progesterone is not an issue for me. My first beta came back at 98, and the second (at 16dpo, just over 48 hours later) is 268, so it more than doubled in the correct timeframe. Thank goodness!

The next step is to get a repeat HCG in a week. If things still look good I schedule a viability ultrasound around 7 weeks. I wish 7 weeks wasn’t the week of my daughters 2nd birthday but I don’t want to wait until 8 weeks and fudging the dates will put me at 6 weeks 1 day. That’s way too early in my opinion, especially after seeing a heartbeat around 6 weeks and then miscarrying at 7 weeks 1 day. I’d rather wait a little longer. I have a trip planned that throws a wrench in the scheduling of an ultrasound later on in week 6. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself here.

As for pregnancy symptoms, I have had a little gas, bloating and minimal light cramping. But that’s it. I know it’s super early (16DPO) but my mind seems to remember way more cramping this early.

All of this being said, I have been here several times before and it’s fallen through every time but once. I am anxious and scared. But I also feel relaxed a lot of the time because I know there is nothing I can do to change the outcome. I can only hope this embryo implanted in a cozy spot that has enough blood flow to get everything it needs until its birth at full term.

And thus begins the rollercoaster of emotions, anxiety, obsessing over pregnancy symptoms (or the lack thereof) and hope. Because I can’t help but have some hope, even if the odds are against me.

Ultrasound day…

I am so impressed with myself making it to today with minimal anxiety. Being busy has helped immensely, as has the random nausea I’ve been having most days. Still with no to hardly sore breasts and minimal cramping though, which makes me nervous. A very different pregnancy for sure.

Of course yesterday I had no pregnancy symptoms so now I am pretty scared for my appointment later this morning. Just wanted to put it out there for the world to send me some good thoughts. I know the results are out of my control but I hate the anxiety that comes with scans.

Update to come later today. Thank you for being here for me and I wish you all good things.

First hurdle…check…

I will be talking about my pregnancy and ultrasound in this post. Please skip if you are not in the right place.

Somehow I made it through the last couple of weeks. I guess having a toddler, job, and taking a mini vacation to visit my BFF who moved to Chicago really helped the time fly by. I didn’t have nearly enough time to google everything (although I did my fair share of googling, which was basically pointless). I also peed on a couple more sticks, which was also pointless at this point and made me feel silly for wasting money.

My symptoms have been very mild to non-existent so while I was trying to hold onto the hope that my betas and progesterone were good, it was really hard to let go of all the ultrasound trauma I’ve been through with first trimester scans. I was especially worried that I have had almost no cramping, which was very present with my only successful pregnancy. So I also bought my favorite beer just in case.

My appointment was at the end of the day after a particularly slow and painful shift at work that did not keep me distracted. But she was able to find the baby almost immediately and we could all see the flickering heartbeat! It was 131, so perfect for this stage! Baby is measuring 6 weeks exactly, which is 4 days behind my assumed ovulation date I calculated with OPK and basal body temps. At this stage it’s within the margin of error so hopefully it’s just that and not some ominous sign.

Of course I was hoping for the good news we got, but I am also thankful not to be in limbo. Honestly that is harder than getting bad news because there is always that tiny shred of hope and then you get crushed all over again.

So if things continue to go well we will be having a baby on 12/24 (although I’m assuming he or she will be early just like baby A since last time I checked I still have a half uterus to work with). I am hopeful that it’s stretched out more this time and maybe he or she will be bigger.

My husband and I made chocolate chip cookies to celebrate tonight. They were delicious but I certainly regret eating 5 because now I feel yucky. Oh well, they were delicious!

Side note: A and I are basically at the end of our breastfeeding relationship. It’s been a little sad for me but it’s been on her terms and I am thankful for that. I let her latch on when she asks, which is usually in the mornings 2-3 times a week. I’m pretty sure she gets almost nothing

So the other morning she asked “di di’s” (her name for my boobs) so I let her latch on. She vigorously and unsuccessfully tried to get a let down on both sides. Then she proceeds to point at each of my nipples and say “broken”. I almost peed my pants laughing. It was so funny I just had to share.

Number 6….

This is a “P” post. Please do not read if you are not in the right space. I’ve decided to adopt these disclaimers as well because I think they are really sensitive to the places others may be in. I wish I would have adopted them earlier.

As I’m sure you can tell from my above disclaimer, I am pregnant again. Pretty surprised because I’m fairly sure I ovulated from my unconnected left ovary (although that’s based on my feeling of ovulation pain on that side so who knows how accurate that is). I thought my period was going to come because of a temp drop I always get on my period day, but it never showed and went back up the next day prompting my POAS addiction to start again.

My progesterone was 48, which is the highest I’ve ever had so I’m choosing to think that’s a good sign.

I am currently taking vaginal progesterone twice daily, my regular prenatal, extra folic acid, and 81mg baby aspirin.

My HCG is rising appropriately.

13dpo: 31

15dpo: 49 (73 hr doubling time, increase of 58%…side note this freaked me out because it was right on the cusp)

20dpo: 328(40 hour doubling time)

And now I’m in the horrible wait for that dreaded early ultrasound. I’ll be 6w4d if my fertility friend charting is correct. I have never posted about a P this early but I just really need to get it off my chest.

I feel relatively un-pregnant. I had one day of all day nausea so far 3 days ago, but it’s intermittent at best these past few days. No sore boobs, less cramping that I remember with my successful P with A, not super tired, and my bloating and gassiness has tapered off. I took meticulous notes on my former Ps and these symptoms are more consistent with my missed miscarriages than my successful P. But who the heck knows, it’s not an exact science, this is a “second” (edited to add a subsequent) pregnancy, and every pregnancy is different…or so they say. I certainly felt my 3rd beta was going to be bad because I felt all my bloating and gassiness lessen and I was wrong there.

So I thank all of you for being in this space with me and letting me air my anxieties (and celebrate a little bit as well). The ultrasound is on April 30 in the late afternoon, giving me 8 more days of torture.

This time has been different 

Trigger warning-pg post 
I don’t want to hurt anyone by posting this so if you’re not in a good space please don’t read.

Feb 11:

Take a cheap dollar store test. Verify the positive with and FRER. Obviously glad to be pregnant again but very nervous given my history. 

Feb 13-23

Beta HGC doubling every 2-3 days until my last draw. Cue freak-out. 

Feb 29

6w2d. First ultrasound. I’m convinced it’s going to be bad because the HCG didn’t double. So convinced that I tell my husband to not bother coming. So I’m SHOCKED when she shows me a beating heart (which I could make out myself). The nurse practitioner tells me once the HCG levels are greater than about 5k they only expect a rise of about 60%. Wish my doctor would have mentioned that! 

March 8

7w3d. My husband comes to this appointment. We still see a perfectly beating heart at 144, and we can hear it! Graduate to the OB. Bittersweet. 

March 17

8w5d. First OB appointment. I’m again feeling nervous because my boob soreness has gone away for the past couple of days. I’m still feeling some pulling and cramping in my uterus but I’m not very frequently nauseated. Again I am so surprised there is still a heartbeat, at 176, and baby is measuring right on track I guess symptoms really do come and go. Also, this was my first time meeting her and I am so glad I switched. 

April 1

This will be an extra heartbeat check for peace of mind. Thank goodness I asked. 

******

Honestly I’m dying to feel nauseated constantly so I can have some reassurance but it looks like my dominate pregnancy symptom is cramping in my uterus. I’ve never noticed this in my other pregnancies so it’s what gives me comfort. Obviously we are no out of the woods yet, and with my unicornuate uterus I’m at increased risk for complications. However, I’m doing a pretty good job of staying calm and just taking it day by day. 

I’m taking vaginal progesterone twice a day, which I’m suppose to take until 10 weeks but she said if it makes me more comfortable I can stay on it through the first trimester. I’m also taking baby aspirin daily, a prenatal and extra folic acid. She’s going to ask the maternal fetal medicine doctor about if I can stay on the aspirin and also what extra monitoring I may need with the UU. Once I hear what the MFM has to say, then I’ll make my case for extra monitoring of my cervix. I’m also doing acupuncture twice a week throughout the first trimester. It’s been incredibly calming.

Hubby thinks it’s a girl. I do as well. I hope we get to find out. 

Due date is Oct 22, 2016.