I finally updated my about me section! Thank you for the prompting Trisha!
It’s really insane to think I’ve had this blog up for almost 4 years, and that I’ve endured so much throughout this time. At this time 4 years ago my husband and I were getting ready for an amazing trip to England, Ireland, and Scotland, and then we were going to try for a baby. We had no idea the road we would travel to get our miracle baby. 3 miscarriages, a DOR diagnosis, and the shocking news of a unicornuate uterus.
It’s so weird to think back on who I was and how naive I used to be. I am so sensitive to pregnancy announcements still, although it’s gotten better. I am hyper sensitive also to people in my life that show signs of maybe being pregnant (not drinking, not participating in x-ray procedures at work, no sushi, their baby is about 1 and I know they want more kids). It’s hard because my husband wants another and I am willing to try, but I just hate that I’m back in the rabbit hole and there is no end in site. I don’t want to get obsessive but that is just the way I am…no half-ass jobs. And I really don’t want to be sad every time my friends expand their families and I am unable to do it too.
It really sucks trying to conceive in crappy conditions. I likely can only get pregnant if I ovulate from the right ovary (although you read stores about people getting pregnant from an unconnected ovary…) and it bums me out so much when I feel my ovulation pain on the left. I felt it on the left these past 2 months which is even more frustrating. And then I am hopeful because I managed to have that chemical pregnancy back in December so that has to be a good sign, right? Or maybe just an indication that my eggs are even worse this time around and I can’t even make it to the missed miscarriage stage (I sound so cynical but it’s just frustration). I’m just going with ignorance is bliss for now and not asking for these fertility tests that will crush my dreams of a second child the “easy” way.
We discussed that we probably won’t do IVF because it’s too expensive and my likely worse than before numbers will likely make it unsuccessful. So if we can’t get pregnant that leaves us with adoption or donor eggs/embryos. Also expensive. We haven’t discussed these as a couple but I certainly think about them a lot and weigh the options. And I have no idea which way I would go, or even if I would say screw it, let’s be a one child family (my husband really doesn’t want an only child so I don’t know how that would go over).
So there you have it. A rambling update on what is in my brain. I hope everyone is doing well.